Panic

Wow! This mommy thing is so hard. I went into this new role thinking I was going to be so tough, and that I wanted to be laid back and just go with the flow. I am finding that it is so much easier said than done. I feel like I have done a good job of being pretty open with what goes on with Lucas. I know that overall he is a very good baby, he has his moments that he is fussy but it is for a reason, so I know that he will be okay with almost anyone. I guess it helps that we have mainly been around people that I trust very much, and I know that they are only going to do what is best for Lucas. This past weekend was very hard though! It was my aunts bridal shower and bachelorette party. During the bridal shower I was okay, everyone was holding him and he was doing great just being with everyone. But as the day progressed I could feel myself going into panic mode. The thought that I would have to leave him was driving me nuts. Logically I know this was crazy because he was going to be with my mom! He sees my mom and Gordy almost everyday and loves being with them (they talk to him and make him so happy). Abe and I agreed to leave him there that night because that was the only place we felt comfortable leaving him, otherwise one of us would have stayed home. But in my heart I felt horrible leaving him =( When it was finally time to go I had such a melt down and started to cry and I just held him close and did not want to let go. I did end up letting go, and everything was fine, but I cried almost the whole car ride. I made sure to wake up early so I could see him right away. Now I think about having to leave my baby with a sitter and I just know I am going to be a mess the first few days!!! How do all you moms do it? I hope I have the strength! ~Valarie